Here it is...

Anne Lamott's a great writer, but I wouldn't want to hang out with her, and that won't be a problem, because she seems annoyed by people anyway. Expecially numb nuts like me, who are over-juiced on testosterone and opinion, and exercise both regularly. If I said I didn't laugh out loud, or underline many things in her book, I'd be lying. She's good, but she's no Hem, and I admire writers who can make something up, you know?

At the gym there was this divorced dude yammering about his lifestyle to this young hotty. He was like, "Basically, here's how I answer that question..." or "You know, I've given a lot of thought to that, and, basically, do I want my children? No. Not now, but I would later. I'm this big traveller, and..." I reached down to feel around for a self-destruct button on my Life Cycle, but there was none, and the volume on my headphones wasn't working. I was stuck. "I've been to Europe seven times, so, I really like to travel, and aaaahhh, my son's eleven, and at that age, they really don't like to travel like that..." He checked for a reaction when he said "seven times." The worst thing was, she was half his age, so I hope he was only expecting rejection. He should have followed rule #863, according to Metro-Joe: never talk to girls at the gym.

Today is an off day, because my weekend was spent at motorcycle safety school (required to get a license in Colorado). I can't say much about it, except that it was long and arduous, and there was this little guy teaching. He looked like George Costanza with a full body of hair, and took his job very seriously, longing for the little moments of "cool" that teachers seem to experience; limited authority, telling bad jokes that oblidge laughter, stories. I did learn a lot about riding.

I'm having wierd reactions to my 2,000 calorie a day thing. Smiling Amy says it's because I'm not eating as much fat as before, but it seems like I'm totally allergic to sugar, and if I have anything with a concentration of carbs in it, I have this wierd attack. I feel nervous and irritable, shaky, weak, like I want to pass out. If I have something with tons of protein in it, or roughage, like lettuce or egg whites, I'm fine. Whatever.